Winter Conspiracy

I know you'll all find this very difficult to believe, but you have to believe me. If we don't band together and do something we're all doomed to winter forever and no Christmas. Although the press is in a blackout and can't report it, what's actually happened is that the White Witch from Narnia has taken over the White House, and she's making this winter last indefinitely. She's sworn to send 7" of snow every other day for the next 100 years unless we all renounce our faith. You've got to believe me! Does anyone out there believe me?