Letter to a Graduate

May 12, 2007
Green Bay, WI

Dear Colin,

Congratulations on achieving this momentous milestone of graduating from college cum laude! You have worked hard and been diligent. As a result you have something that not many people in this world do - the benefit of a fine education. The process you've been through to arrive at this graduation day will benefit you for the rest of your life.

Every writer needs a journal to record their thoughts and feelings, so I have chosen to write the traditional family letter in the beginning of this one. (Editor's note: this was written to my son, Colin, in the pages of a Christian prayer journal.) The blank pages that follow this letter are yours to fill in and make them your own.

If I were simply choosing a blank journal for you, I would not have chosen one with such a strong, Christian character, lest you should feel as though I am trying to coerce you into my way of living. However, this letter is a gift from my heart to yours, and so this journal reflects who I am. Who you choose to become over the course of your life is something that I look forward to watching - cheering you on in good times and bad - so that you always know how deeply I love you and believe in you.

So my first piece of advice to you is to understand that a human life is, above all, a spiritual journey. Every choice in every day is one of Becoming. A single choice can have either tremendous or negligible consequences depending on how it affects your Becoming. A string of consistent choices makes a habit, and habits make the man.

Many people attempt to fool themselves much of the time regarding this point. They tell themselves that because they have plans to make different choices in the future, it's as though they have already made them. Or they tell themselves that their choices don't reflect their true, inner selves. This kind of Becoming does not lead to the flourishing of the human being. We cannot practice self-deception and still arrive at the clear noonday of the soul.

So what have I learned about Becoming? After all, I am still on the journey myself. First of all, I have learned that true answers are only to be found in two places: in the vast reaches of the Absolute, and in the depths of your own heart. We need both as human beings. It is neither sensible nor logical to deny that there is Absolute Truth. To say that there is none is to make a categorical statement of absolute truth. This is logically absurd. And more importantly, the universe is monstrous without it. If, in fact, Love and Truth and Goodness and Beauty are not at the heart of reality, then we must all despair. But I know beyond explaining that this is the case. I feel the reality of the Divine at the center of all things, and I know in my heart that Pride, Falseness, Evil and Ugliness do not have existential reality themselves, but are simply a nullification of the Ultimate Reality.

Now about the depths of the heart, I first want to say that your heart reflects the Absolute. That is to say, your heart recognizes that its true home is Love, Truth, Goodness, Beauty, and all the spiritual qualities that mankind has recognized throughout recorded history as being of enduring value. But living in a state of Becoming that tends toward these things is in many ways a daily battle. And every person faces their battles with Fear, Pain, Discouragement and all the other temptations that try to lead us out of the light at the center of reality and into the shadowlands at the far edges. So Courage is a very important quality to nurture within yourself.

It takes courage to speak the truth when a lie would avoid conflict, hurt feelings or recriminations. It takes courage to share your true feelings when they are not the pretty, garden variety. It takes courage to dream big dreams and set out to accomplish them. It especially takes courage to continue that pursuit when all the signs around you seem to point toward futility, suffering or impossibility.

But your heart has the power to guide you when you stop to deeply listen. It will point out to you the difference between a compromise that creates Beauty, and a compromise that makes you feel embarrassed or ashamed. It will teach you the difference between a Passive choice (You Win), an Aggressive choice (I Win), and an Assertive choice (Win-Win). Your heart is not, finally, subject to self-deception. You can only deny your true, soul needs for so long before your heart rises in rebellion against a Becoming that leads to falseness. On the other hand, your heart will also lead you toward deeper and truer Becoming. For example, you may journey for a while in a place that does not allow you to be Faithful to something that is important to you. But when you listen deeply and find that your heart is leading you to become Faithful, then you begin to make different choices. At first you may find it takes some effort to be Faithful, and you have to stop and listen often to regather your strength. At some point, being Faithful will no longer be an effort, and then you will find as you listen, that your heart will begin to speak to you about becoming Faithfulness. This is the still, small voice of God.

The great thing about this journey is that every day is a new day. One reason I chose this journal is because I loved the quotes they chose for the section dividers. A little farther on, you will find a quote from Oswald Chambers. "Leave the broken, irreversible past in God's hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him." Life affords you the opportunity to do so with every sunrise. You will stumble many times. You will make choices that you later regret. But pay no attention to those. Once your realize your mistakes, do an about face, and step back on the road toward your chosen Becoming with a light heart. Waste yourself on the people who choose to accompany you in the good kind of Becoming. Leave behind unapologetically those who cannot or will not support you in it. Lose yourself in the tasks that the journey will require. Celebrate each day as a Gift. Live out and speak out the eternal values to the best of your ability, and leave the rest in God's hands.

And never, never forget that my heart always has room in it for your heart. There is nothing you can ever do, say, live or experience to dim the Faith, Hope and Love in my heart for you.

Love,
Mom